Back on the Road

If you're a baseball player, or aspire to be a one, you better get used to the bus trip. And I'm not talking about the two-hour trip down the road. I'm talking about the bus trip that's between six and twenty-four hours long, and requires a hotel.

This past weekend I engaged in my first one since September 2007. Five hundred miles to Clarksville, Ark. Having been on upwards of 50 extended trips from 2003-2007 I was looking forward to hitting the road once again. Watch a movie, play some PSP, listen to an iPod, read a book and you're there. This one took about nine hours.

Then it's fast-food joints and hotel living for a couple of days with a few baseball games mixed in. For the most part it's fun, but there are certain unsavory experiences that go along with this kind of trip. Such as...

You're confined to where the bus takes you. You must go everywhere with 35 other guys. Limited choices of food. Roommates who may snore/smell bad. Limited opportunities to use the facilities. You better be able to hold it on the long trip there and back because of rule No. 1: No shitting on the bus. This can have lasting effects over the days following the trip. (Sorry for the graphic details but it happens.)

This was my first trip from a coach's perspective so certain things were new. I sat in the second row of seats instead of the back. I discussed who would play instead of playing myself. When critical of a player, I was an involved coach, not a bad teammate.

This trip featured a curveball. Instead of staying two nights and leaving Sunday after the game, we left Saturday night because the forecast called for a 90 percent chance of thunderstorms Sunday morning and afternoon. So travel time almost equaled time in Clarksville - never a good thing.

The trip there is always much better than the trip back. In this instance, the excitement came from just getting out of the snow for a couple days. But the ride home never goes fast enough. I usually direct my annoyance/anger unfairly at the bus driver for driving too slowly.

The ride home got brutal. Eating dinner before we took off lasted an hour too long. We were on the interstate for 20 minutes before we hit stop-and-go traffic. After a half hour of that two cops forced us to exit with no sign of trouble ahead. I wanted an explanation. The detour added a good hour and a half to the trip.

We left Clarksville around 7:30 p.m. and got home at 6 a.m. Some people are able to sleep well on a bus. Some aren't. If you're over six feet tall getting comfortable is going to be a challenge, so I'm happy to get an hour here and there. When I did manage to get to sleep, we pulled into a rest stop and turned on all the lights.

But that's life on the road with a baseball team. There's really nothing like it. Even though I had been away for a couple of years, I adapted with no problem. It's second nature at this point. I enjoy life on the road. I'm just glad it isn't a weekly thing anymore. The baseball, hotel and eating aspects are usually great. The travel involved- not so much.

Movies watched on the trip:

• First season of Eastbound & Down - Very solid. "You're fuckin' out!" Kenny Powers features my kind of humor.  
• Half of Bull Durham - Terrible. I've seen it too much and it's most cliche choice ever for a baseball bus trip. Crash Davis is a loser. "Nuke" LaLoosh sucks. Susan Sarandon's character is a slut with no life. Thank goodness it was taken out after a lunch stop. 
• Zombieland - Not bad. Somewhat entertaining, but it didn't have a point. I guess it's hard to expect a zombie movie to have much substance.
• Role Models - Already seen it, but the second viewing passed the time. Some laughs.
• Beer Fest - First viewing. Okay, but the DVD player acted up so I missed part of the end.
• Taken - Third viewing. Liam Neeson kicks so much ass it could be sat through again.
• Pineapple Express - Already seen it. Not a good movie. Gets worse the more you watch it.

The best you can hope for is one movie you haven't seen that's halfway decent. Eastbound & Down was the winner on this trip with Zombieland finishing second.

The very healthy places I ate nutritious meals:

• Steak 'N Shake
• Larry's Pizza buffet
• McDonald's - breakfast
• KFC buffet

You'll notice two buffets. Remember I was in the South. Any restaurant without a buffet goes under in a month.